Trials and Tribulations

Jesus. It’s been hard before and it’ll be hard again. Jesus. It’s been bad before and it’ll be bad again. Jesus. It’s been dangerous before and it’ll be dangerous again. Jesus. It’s been close before and it’ll be close again. Sometimes I wonder why there has to be an again. Why can’t it just be once and for all? Why can’t God just speak once, come once, work once, change once and it’ll all be solved? Why does there have to be a process involved? I’ve heard it said to be because God cares more about us than our circumstances (quote inspiration by Brittney Moses). 


The ‘we’ we end up being, the character build in the end, that is what we take to heaven and that is what we’ll be with Him. In the fullness of His glory everlasting. So Jesus, it’ll be hard again and oh what a joy. I understand it now. 


Not only does it refine me, it refines me because you love me so. Teach my heart to walk in that truth God, I need you every day. 

the spectacular now

Sometimes what we are learning and who we become in the process is even more important than what we are waiting for. -pinterest

I admit, it’s a title I’ve borrowed from a movie on netflix. I haven’t watched it, mostly because the storyline intrigues me much less than the title does, but it always sticks out to me, lingering in the suggested titles section. I think it intrigues me so much because we don’t hear people praising the ‘now’ that often. Especially now, in the first few days of the new year, it is so easy to get caught up in what is to come and who we are to be.

I am not immune to it. This year I really want to become healthy. Healthy in the sense of health that extends past just the physical but into the emotional, mental and even into the way I construct my life.

I am the type of person that shuts things down and moves on. I look to the future, I dream, I plan, I pray and then I work. It’s not necessarily a bad skill to have, to set your eyes on a goal and then pursuing it relentlessly can give you great success if the goal is right. However I have started to believe that it is not always the healthiest. Only focusing on where you are going means that your focus is never on where you are right now. This could cause one of two, or possibly both, effects.

1) You miss out on what you have right now. Through the striving for things that lied in the future I missed out on moments I had in the present. I know that I missed out on amazing moments with my friends in grade 9 because my head was so caught up in what would happen in grade 10.

2) You condemn yourself for where you are right now. Looking at myself and thinking that I am not who I am supposed to be or where I am supposed to be and out of that being discontent with where I am right now made me extremely miserable. It told me that there is something wrong with me when there really isn’t.

Both of these rob you off the gratefulness and appreciation you can have for the moment in time you are in right now. It may be hard, but God is still in it. He is the same and your standing with Him is the same. You are just as loved as you will be in whatever future you achieve because Gods love is unchanging and outside of time.

I have already started the process of finding healing and wholeness in some areas of my life that had so far been untouched. This process has been extremely frustrating for me because it forces me to take a step back on things and wait.  There are things I had to sacrifice in order to be able to do that and believe me, I have not liked it. Standing still, or feeling like you are, can be quite the restless endeavor. I constantly feel like what I want is over there but instead of rushing and running to it as fast as I can, I have to pause and take each step at its’ own time.
The irony is that if I just skipped a bunch of steps and ran there I wouldn’t actually reach the goal. It’s very deceiving, I know. I’m frustrated too.

This is where ‘the spectacular now’ ties in, because what I have begun to realize and want to implement more and more in my life is this: now counts. I think we have so overglamourized busyness in our society, in the sense of the constant striving for more. Our society always wants more and it never stops. If anything you will see people too content with where they are, not willing to grow or work. You will rarely hear someone say “I am really content where I am right now, but I still have a goal to pursue”. It’s a fine balance of vision casting and being at peace with yourself.

For me, ‘the spectacular now’ means to be okay with stopping, to not constantly wish I was already further ahead but to appreciate where I am at right now. To not have a mindset that thinks ‘Once I get there, then’ but that thinks ‘Exactly where I am right now, what’. To see how I can serve others and glorify God right where I am and with what I have now and to seek opportunities I get in this moment with the same excitement and gratitude that I would future ones. It’s about being thankful and peaceful and to meet God right here in the mess, without cutting Him out until I pull myself together in an useless attempt of earning anything of His. It’s about giving the here and now my energy and my focus, while still knowing what I am working towards.

Appreciating the now in my life is a learning curve and I am nowhere near where I’d like to be. But I choose to not beat myself up over it and rest in the truth that Gods promises don’t depend on my achievement. I hope you can do the same.

Paula

In the waiting

Weeeh, here I am again.
Life. What a ride.
I haven’t been writing for a bit and the sole reason for that is that I felt like there was nothing to write about, what a lie!

But before I jump right into the deep end, allow me to recap my summer so far quickly:

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coming home & being greeted by my patchwork family!

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FINALLY getting a soft pretzel! nothing like your own countries food

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Cheering for Germany with my cousin, what an eppic game!

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Feeling all grown up, my cousins car and my mums car (both liscence plates have our initials and birthdays on them). Didn’t see that day coming so soon 😉

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Celebrating 80 and 85 years of awesome in Oma and Opas life! Also finding out that I’m going to be an aunt, yay for babies!!

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Shennigans with my dad, is it obvious that I’m the princess..?

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Celebrating 18 years of awesome of this guys sister & catching up with good friends! Can we admire my face for a second? Thank you, thank you

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all ready to party!

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I got a job at my favourite smoothie place in the mall! Good thing I learned how to work hard and clean in interns…

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church has us like

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while food has us like

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dyed my hair brown again! not sure how long it’ll stay this way but it fits being home 😉

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mama and me, all smiles

In this current season of my life I feel very ‘in between’.
I am in between two years at cla church.
I am in between high-school and starting university.
I am in between countries.
In between languages.
And yes, I am even in between hair colours at times haha.

Sometimes it can feel so hard to hold on to the hope we have in Jesus.
A hope for GOOD plans.
A hope that there is MORE to life than what our eyes can see and brains can understand.
A hope that there is a FUTURE.
A hope that there is PURPOSE.

I have been having a hard time with that lately.
I know that Jesus is our rock and anchor, unwavering in times of trouble.
Yet I have been feeling so lost, but I am starting to understand what Paul is talking about when he’s saying we should ‘count it all joy’ James 1:2.
Truly all I can in my uncertainty is turn to God, HE is the one thing that is not changing even in times where it seems like everything is changing! But how can I remind myself to turn to that when life gets so busy so fast and the days turn into weeks and I still haven’t memorized verses to carry me through the day?
A blog I love to read is by Mary Kate Robertson (www.thelittleduckwife.com) and she recently shared a tip for memorizing scripture. She does it by taking a verse and writing the first letter of every word on her hand. This way, everytime she glances at it, she remembers the vers and has help memorizing it! I have tried it lately and it works so well.
It’s really important for us as believers to carry the word of God in our heart as it fuels us to do the things He has called us to do, like a car with a tank full of gas equipped to go to its destination. And now, with more verses memorized, I have some truth to run to and anchor me in moments of weakness.

Here are my favourite verses to carry me through the waiting, because truly if you are waiting for something, you are in such good company with the characters in the bible.
These verses might not make a lot of sense to you, as they are not all specific to waiting.
However I think waiting seasons can always bring up deeper issues as we start to stir and get uncomfortable, wanting to take things into our own hands instead of relying on the one who made them.
So these verses hold a lot of value for me, in my waiting season right now, but I know that God can use them to speak to you as well.

Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Wait for the Lord.
– Psalm 27:14 (ESV)

In all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us.
– Romans 8:37 (ESV)

I knew you before I formed you in your mothers womb. Before you were born I set you apart
and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.
– Jeremiah 1:5 (NLT)

You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
– Psalm 139: 16 (NLT)

And a voice came from heaven,
“You are my beloved son; with you I am well pleased.”

– Mark 1:11 (ESV)

 

I hope these verses speak to you like they spoke to me and that you are inspired to turn to God in your waiting season!

Paula

Home is…

20th of June 2016.
I have been home for 3 weeks now and it has been quite the ride.
Writing means processing for me and it always pulls me forward and helps me close something, but since the end of interns I haven’t felt quite ready to write and tie up my loose ends. Going from  being with about 30 people all the time to being by yourself in an otherwise empty apartment with nothing to do is quite a big change. And while I was coming home and being here,there were 3 major things going through my mind.

 

  1. I graduated interns
    This one is a huge testimony to Gods goodness. Two years ago I was praying that God would reveal to me what to do after grad. I told Him that I wanted to dedicate a year of my life to solely Him, to grow in my understanding of who He is and what I believed in, who I was and what I wanted to do with that for the rest of my days. And so two years ago I saw a poster at a park talking about an open air movie night at a church in Maple Ridge and I picked up a flyer, thinking it would be a fun thing to do with my canadian girl-friends. I went on the website to look up the exact what, where and when and saw that they had a youthgroup that didn’t happen during the same time as my own. For two weeks I felt drawn to go to that youthgroup before I decided to go on the last Wednesday before my departure. I remember so clearly sitting in the living room of Marie and Andrews house, looking at the pouring rain outside and the text messages of my friends saying they couldn’t make it on such short notice and deciding to go. It was a decision to follow that gut feeling and I knew I was stepping out in faith, having no idea why I wanted to go or what was expecting me on the other end of this. And for the twenty minutes I walked through the rain I kept asking myself and God what I was doing but it was like He was whipering to me to keep going, to trust that He had something there for me. Well, as soon as I stepped inside the CLA Maple Ridge campus I saw Sophia, a girl I had gone to Highschool in Maple Ridge with, but kind of lost touch with after my departure. She introduced me to a couple of people and I sat next to a few of them during the service. And what can I say, I loved it. I loved the worship, the sermon spoke right to me and I felt so comfortable and almost 
 at home. And I remember standing in the auditorium and thinking “I could see myself here” As the night progressed everyone I talked to said something along the lines of “Have you heard about our internship program? You should do it”. Now I know we all say that very casually to a lot of people, however I do believe there’s something to it. And for me, in that moment, it was the answer to why God had me walk through the rain for twenty minutes. When I got home I went on the website, looked up the program and I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. I liked this church. So I took out my diary and I made a financial plan.
    When I came home, that’s what I showed my parents and they were quite impressed.
    Then I went to a new church here for the first time and the Pastor, my Pastor, came up to me and said: “I don’t know you, but I feel like God is telling me that you have a school in mind that you are thinking of going to and God is saying ‘do it’. He’s all for it and Jesus will be there with you. What’s your  name?” And that was it.
    Decision made.
    Well, I wish it would’ve been that easy, because this is just how I decided to go.
    There was a lot of praying and asking God is He was sure and me saying I wanted to go to Australia instead before I was fully committed. And even after that my trust in God was challenged for a whole year with obstacle after obstacle and me clinging on Gods truth for dear life.
    And when I walked that stage and got to hug my Emily Zylla and stand amongst the people who became my family these past nine months, I couldn’t help but feel all happy and special and I was just so in awe of how good God is. All the moments sobbing on the floor were so worth it, because He truly does know better and He always knows why.
    People down here think I'm crazy, but I don't care. Trials and tribulations, I've had my share. There ain't nothing gonna stop me now, 'Cause I'm almost there.:
    Singing this song helped me through when it seemed too hard.
    It may seem weird, but I could identify with Tiana as people in the movie thought she was crazy for dreaming this big dream and that she would never reach it, but she knew and just kept going until she eventually did.
    So with every breakthrough that’s what I sang.
    And with every obstacle, that’s what I reminded myself of.
    It’s so special to look back on those two years and see everything God has done.
    It never fails to put a smile on my face.
  2. Now to something a bit shorter:
    I came home.
    And it took a lot of pulling myself together to not fall apart to be honest.
    Before I left for interns last September I reached a point, after everything was worked out and done, where I didn’t want to go anymore, simply because life was just too good and figured out at this point and I was scared to loose it.
    But I went and fought and it was well worth it for so many reasons.
    And while it is amazing to return and reunite, it’s not easy.
    Ask anyone who’s done it and had a good time, coming home is hard.
    And that is okay.
    One thing I know now that I didn’t know the first time is that no one can tell you how to feel, there is no should in feelings. I’m still learning that, but coming home this time, I definitely decided to walk that out.
    It is okay to be sad that something great is over.
    It is okay to feel a little lost and disoriented.
    And it’s okay to take time to settle back in.
    You worked and fought to make that foreign place your home and then you had to leave it and that sucks.
    That doesn’t make you a bad person or ungrateful for your home.
    It simply makes you a person.
    So let me give you permission to not unpack until you feel ready to be fully home.
    To cry a little or a lot and to do whatever you need to do to figure yourself out again.
    What helped me is (of course) Jesus.
    And getting a job.
    Getting up and doing something productive again feels so good.
    And while my neck, back and feet hurt at the end of a nine hour shift, it’s a good kind of pain. Like being sore after working out after a long time.
    You can take control of your life and sometimes I forget that.
    So you pick up the things you don’t like and change them.
    There ya go.
  3. What is my lifestyle?
    Over the last 4 years I have spent 2 in Canada.
    Not really, but pretty much.
    And as I packed up a whole room (again) and it felt like packing up my whole life (again) to come back home and feel like returning to someone I am not anymore (again) I felt a bit, I don’t know, exhausted?
    And thinking about doing it again let’s me long for settling down and knowing I will be in one place for at least 3 or better 5 years, while thinking about laying down roots let’s me long for exploring and adventuring the world.
    Typical young adult problem.
    So no, I don’t now yet.
    That’s why here, at point number 3, there’s not much to say.
    I’m still figuring it all out and in a way, I’m loving it.
    gilmore girls <3:

    Five years.Cool. Ive got about the next two and half years planned and then there's just darkness and possibly some dragons. (What I'm thinking when people talk about their life's goals and other future plans) | Gilmore Girls:
    So just like my homegirl Rory Gilmore, who accompanied me during hard and sucky days these past 9 months, I’m somewhere in between dragons in the darkness and embracing the uncertainty.

    So that’s me.
    In the last two years I went from a Disney Princess to a small town star to accompany me and so far I’ve figured out that no one has it all figured out.

    Paula

 

7: focus

It has been seven months since starting interns and a lot has happened!
Every time the 11th comes around I find myself to be startled that it is time to write another blog post yet again and that the year is moving along at quite a pace.
Just yesterday we had our photoshoot for the grad pictures and what a strange feeling that was!
Thinking about taking the photos stressed me out a bit because I knew that these would be the pictures I would hang up on my wall, keep forever and show to my kids in twenty years when I tell them about interns.
It feels like the year went by to fast, like I’m not ready to be done, not reached the goals I wanted to achieve and need more preperation.
However when thinking back to September it’s even stranger!
While it’s weird that the year is almost over it’s also weird to think it has only been seven 1/2 months when looking at how much has happened.

Two weeks ago we went to East Hastings in Downtown Vancouver. East Hastings is a particularly bad part of the city, if not the worst, filled with homeless people who are in most cases addicted to drugs. We had packed little bags with food, snacks and a pop and there we were, seven kids with 80 bags and expectations.
These bags were gone like nothing, in less then 5 minutes we had no more food and people asking us for food because they didn’t get any.
It was shocking to actually see the quantity of the need and how unprepared we were.
Also people were suspicious of us showing a genuine interest in their wellbeing and it broke my heart to talk to one woman and realize there is nothing I can do to stop her from prostituting herself that night.

Now we are 3 days away from flying to Africa to tell people about Jesus and it has got me wondering: why on earth do I think I’m qualified to tell these people about who Jesus it? I am not even capable of figuring my own life out or telling the cashier at Safeway about Jesus.
But thinking about it also got me to really realize that it is God who provides for me, it is God who qualifies me, it is God who I hold on to to not be shaken.
Maybe this is why Paul said in the bible that we should rejoice when we are facing trouble because it produces character (Romans 5:3-5).
It gets you to proof the thing you are building on.
It gets you to foolproof your foundation.
So this is just another exercise to strengthen my trust but also my dependence on God.
I can’t do any of the things I am require to do over there on my own.
I’ll just be the tool.

But oh am I excited!!
I love flying and airports and travel in general, but to do it with 30 of my favourite people and to proclaim the good news that Jesus is alive is the best things ever!!
How exciting that these two weeks will literally combine all these amazing things I love to do and while I get to do some of my favourite things and have them add to my life I am given the opportunity to serve people and hopefully add to their lives!

As you can tell I am quite torn between utter amazement and panic.
I am scared, but it’s the really good kinda scared 😉

So while I collect things to help me be the best me I can be by Gods grace I would appreciate your prayers and encouragement so so much!
It’s all God, not me, so you praying for it is amazing and will actually help to move things and make them happen so much!

I love y’all and I cannot wait to write the next post which will be lengthy and full of sunburn and smiles!

Excited and terrified,

Paula

 

6: change

Sometimes life turns out a whole lot differently than you think it will. My life right now sure looks different than I thought it would.And it’s a weird, strange feeling of realising that I am fine even though it’s not what I planned it to be. It’s interesting to start to discover yourself anew in the face of unexpectedness and to see who you are when who you planned to be is not an option anymore.
Who am I apart from who I thought I’d become?

Manchmal entwickelt sich das Leben ganz anders als man denkt. Mein Leben sieht jetzt zumindest ziemlich anders aus als ich erwartet habe. Und es ist ein seltsames GefĂŒhl zu realisieren das es mir gut geht, auch wenn es nicht das ist was ich geplant habe. Es ist interessant sich selbst ganz neu zu finden when einem das Unerwartete gegenĂŒber steht und zu sehen wer man ist man wenn wer man plante zu werden keine Option mehr ist.
Wer bin ich, wenn ich nicht mehr die Person bin zu der erwartet hatte zu werden?
trust
https://youtu.be/cLChzrvGPdI

This song by Hillsong Young and Free is my anthem at the moment.
I know that my plan does likely not lign up with Gods plan and I don’t want to hold them so tightly that I miss out on what God has for me.
Not knowing the plan freaks me out, but I realized I never knew the plan, I simply thought I did haha
A while ago Paige and I went to the chapel at Summit and Kim Moran said something that really stuck with me:

Dieses Lied von Hellsong Young and Free ist im Moment meine Hymne.
Ich weiss das mein Plan wahrscheinlich nicht mit Gottes PlanÂ ĂŒbereinstimmt und ich möchte nicht so sehr daran festhalten das ich verpasse was Gott fĂŒr mich hat.
Den Plan nicht zu wissen beunruhigt mich, aber mir ist klar geworden das ich den Plan nie wusste, ich dachte nur das ich ihn weiss haha
Vor einiger Zeit sind Paige und ich zu der Kapelle des Summit Pacific Bible Colleges gegangen und Kim Moran hat etwas gesagt was wirklich in meinem Kopf geblieben ist:
kimmoranquote
And I know with a certainty that this is true!
But it’s scary for me to not know what’s ahead, to abandon the vision I had for my life and trust that my life is in Gods hands and I can focus on the here and now without being afraid of the next step.

Und ich weiss mit einer Gewissheit dass das wahr ist!
Aber es ist angsteinflĂ¶ĂŸend nicht zu wissen was vor einem liegt, die Vorstellung die ich fĂŒr mein Leben hatte aufzugeben und zu vertrauen das mein Leben in Gottes Hand liegt und ich auf das hier und jetzt konzentriert sein kann ohne Angst vor dem nĂ€chsten Schritt zu haben.

This past month I got to reflect on my time since interns started and just how blessed I am to be in this program. It has been six months and it hasn’t been easy, but oh has it been worth it.
It’s not nice to be stretched, it’s uncomfortable and it hurts, but it is necessary to see your dirt to realise where to clean. And it’s not always easy to be stretched around people who are also being stretched. We’re all so human, which equals so broken, and it can be hard to give others the same grace we’re getting.
But oh how blessed I am.
Oh how proud I am.
I have seen people grow and I have grown myself. These people have become close to me, some more than others, but at the end of the day we all just want to have someone to talk to. And there’s 31 people I’d do that with.
There’s still a long road to go and I ‘m almost at a bend that I can’t see behind.

Im letzten Monat habe ich ĂŒber die Zeit seit interns angefangen hat nachgedacht und wie gesegnet ich bin in diesem Programm zu sein. Es ist sechs Monate her und es war nicht einfach, aber oh war es das wert!
Es ist nicht schön charakterlich herausgefordert zu werden, es ist unangenehm und es tut weh, aber es ist notwendig deinen Dreck zu sehen damit du weisst wo du putzen musst! Und es ist nicht immer einfach herausgefordert zu werden wenn du mit Leuten umgeben bist die auch herausgefordert werden. Wir sind alle so menschlich, was so kaputt bedeutet, und es kann schwierig sein Anderen die selbe Gnade zu geben die wir bekommen.
Aber oh wie gesegnet ich bin.

Oh wie stolz ich bin.
Ich habe Leute wachsen sehen und ich bin selbst gewachsen. Diese Leute sind mir nah gekommen, manche mehr als andere, aber wenn es hart auf hart kommt wollen wir Alle nur jemandem zum reden. Und hier sind 31 Leute mit denen ich das machen wĂŒrde.
Es liegt immer noch eine lange Strecke vor mir und ich bin fast an einer Kurve angekommen bei der ich nicht sehe was dahinter liegt.

Change is a funny thing!
Sometimes it creeps up on you, sometimes it hits you in the face.
I don’t quite know how I feel about this creeping change yet, but we shall find out 😉

VerÀnderung ist etwas seltsames!
Manchmal kommt sie schleichend, manchmal kommt sie wie ein Schlag ins Gesicht.
Ich weiss noch nicht so wirklich wie ich mich mit dieser schleichenden VerĂ€nderung fĂŒhle, aber das finde ich schon noch raus 😉

And until I do, I’ll simply play my anthem to remind me to live in the moment & trust in the one who knows what’s behind the bend!

Und bis ich das weiss höre ich mir einfach meine Hymne an, die mich daran erinnert im Moment zu leben & demjenigen zu vertrauen der weiss was hinter der Kurve kommt!

Paula

5:In the sunshine state

Der deutsche Text beginnt am Ende dieses Posts!

Wooowzers! Almost another month has passed but this time I will focus on one week of it! I had the opportunity to go to Redding in California this past week to visit some friends from my home church in Germany! 

It was an amazing trip, but to be honest I was super nervous before going.Seeing hometown friends is amazing, but it’s also a test of change. It’s pretty easy to believe change around people you haven’t known for that long in an environment that’s completely new, but seeing people that have known you for a few years and have seen you in all kinds of circumstances, that’s different. They’ll know, you’ll know, if the change is real. If it sticks or if it’s just a temporary change of scenery.

 Well, it was phenomenal! 

I was all bundled up with a hot drink at YVR a week ago and regretted it once I hit San Francisco! 

  I caught a foggy glimpse of the Golden Gate Bridge and my heart was happy! 

  
Travelling always makes me so excited and there’s just something about arriving somewhere that gets me! Maybe it’s because we always went a bunch of places as a family growing up, but I just thoroughly enjoy being on the journey somewhere and arriving at a new destination! 

The first thing I did was get myself some food!! I splurged on some ah-mazing salmon tacos and got to chat with my parents and a couple of friends while eating them. I think the fact that I’m talking about all of this so detailed shows my happiness about the opportunity to travel! 

  
Well I eventually moved to my gate and sat next to a guy at the charging station. We ended up having an hour long conversation about faith and christianity and almost missed our flight to Redding (we were the last ones to board, missed that uncomfortable ‘Paula Sintermann please come to gate 74’ though haha).   

So by the time I got to Redding I was super pumped and just excited to see everyone!

  
The airport there is sooo tiny it’s adorable! Two of my friends picked me up and I had to adjust to speaking german again, sometimes it feels like that’s my second language…But after a few minutes my brain got the switch and we got to chit chat the whole way home! 

Katha and I went grocery shopping and got to catch up a bit, settled in, then she made us dinner & we found out that we were almost exactly on the same episode of Gilmore Girls, if that’s not a great start I don’t know what is! So that became our nightly ritual and we easily watched 20 episodes, 22 to be exact, over the last week!   

  
Sunday morning I went to my first ever Bethel Church Service and let me tell you, I was blown away! I mean these people are ON FIRE! Someone had a word for me right away, I felt Gods presence so thickly and my neck got healed! 

Throughout the week I got to go to classes at Bethel, meet new amazing people, encounter God in new ways and experience breakthrough multiple times, but I think my by far favourite thing was to see all these people so on fire for Jesus! Especially meeting the german students who have such a radical passion for Christ touched my heart deeply! I mean these are my people, we share a home, a language and understand each other on a level no one else will ever understand. To be able to connect with them and know that they will return to Germany and bring their fire with them to work on our mutual passion, our country, is amazing! I mean how good is God that He would allow us to be a part of His plan?!

  Some of the best pizza I ever had!
This week was a themed week called deployment week where we learned about how we can find out our purpose/calling and follow that! It was really inspiring and actually super relevant for me!     

On Wednesday night we were invited to our friends Wang-Yong and Esthers house for dinner and it was such a comforting feeling to gather around people from home and have community with them. What a blessing! 
On Thursday we went to the concert of the nations where students from different countries presented performances to represent their nation! It was amazing!! Obviously Germany wasn’t represented ’cause, ya know, it’s not very german to go up on stage and represent our country haha We’re working on it 😉   

  Sweden

 India

On Friday there was a meeting for all the germans attending BSSM and Ben Fitzgerald was there to speak to us! It was so cool to see just how many germans were attending BSSM and to be able to meet some more of them. Afterwards we hung out and made homemade pizza with a whole bunch of germans and it was so much fun! Being around germans so much really got me excited to go back home and spread Jesus around like a wildfire!   

I also got prophesied over A LOT and I loooved every second of it. If prophecy was a love language, it would be mine! 
Yesterday we spend the day walking around Sundial Bridge and exploring it’s surroundings a bit, I also went to in-n-out for the first time ever and really enjoyed it and we had a german girls night!! Watching a german movie made me miss home a bit, not gonna lie I am pumped to go home in a few months!   

  
 
And then this morning, Jesus is just sooo good, I got to be in the church service Bryan and Jenn Johnson did worship in! Thank you Jesus! I was up front, first row, right in her face kinda thing. That woman has an anointing on her about worship! It was amazing! I love worshipping but I especially love it around people who share an equal passion for God!   

Then of course I had to say goodbye 😩 I wish I could’ve stayed longer, the week has flown by and it was truly an amazing time! I realised that I have changed, thank God, and my friends have changed, but some things, like the way we care for each other, are still just the same and will hopefully never change.   

Now, as I am sitting here, on the plane back to Vancouver, I can’t help but think how lucky I am. How come I get to travel like this and learn so much about God, life and myself at only 18? How come I get to have amazing, deep conversations with incredibly smart and kind people who will change the world one day? How come I get to experience breakthrough like this? It’s all FAVOUR! By my wonderful and indescribable God! Man, I know I might sound crazy but I don’t even find words for Him. He simply breathes and stars appear that I could marvel at night after night, yet He says that I am His masterpiece, the crown of His creation! He cares about me. He loves me. He wants to bring me out of the darkness and into the light and all I have to do is say yes! That is love! 

This week turned out so different than I thought it would. It reminded me of a part in myself I lost sight of a bit, a hungry, passionate, spontaneous part. And it let me realise that while I love to plans, my constant change of them is okay because I’m 18!! I don’t have life figured out! I don’t even have myself figured out. But there’s a God out there who does and I trust that He’ll reveal it to me as we go. I’m just the co-pilot, He has ultimate control! 

So thank you, for following along on this wild ride I call my life. I have to simply take it as it comes, but I am usually very grateful for it (I have my moments)! There are many, many exciting and crazy things coming up in the next few months and I can’t wait to write about them! I’d love to pray for you, yes you, reading this right now btw! So if you’d like, please, please comment or send me a fb message or e-mail (paulasintermann@gmail.com) or whatever works for you!! Just let me know you read my blog and I’ll be super happy to pray for whatever’s happening in your life right now! 
Much, much love!
Paula

 

Bethel

  

Beni Johnson preaching/predigt

  

on the walk home / auf dem Nachhauseweg

     

 

Eating outside/ draußen essen 

Enjoying the sun/ die Sonne genießen
 

My little airplane/ Meine kleine Klapperkiste  

The little airport/ Der kleine Flughafen   

 

   

 View of the Golden Gate Bridge at night / Blick auf die  Golden Gate Bridge bei Nacht

   Vancouver – the most beautiful airport I have seen so far/der schönste Flughafen den ich bis jetzt gesehen habe    
 Wooowzies! Ein weiterer Monat ist fast vorbei, aber diesmal werde ich mich auf eine Woche davon fokussieren! Ich hatte in dieser letzten Woche die Möglichkeit nach Redding in Kalifornien zu fliegen und ein paar Freunde von zuhause besuchen! Es war eine wunderbare Zeit, aber um ehrlich zu sein war ich davor ziemlich nervös! Freunde aus der Heimat zu sehen ist wunderbar, aber es ist auch ein Test. Es ist ziemlich einfach VerĂ€nderung zu sehen wenn man von neuen Menschen umgeben ist und sich in einem komplett neuen Umfeld bewegt, aber Freunde zu sehen die dich schon seit ein paar Jahren kennen, die dich unter allen möglichen UmstĂ€nde gesehen haben, das ist etwas anderes. Sie werden wissen, du wirst wissen, ob die VerĂ€nderung wahrhaftig ist. Ob sie bleibt, oder nur ein zwischenzeitlicher Szenenwechsel ist. 

Es war phĂ€nomenal! Vor einer Woche ging es los und ich war noch ganz dick eingepackt mit einem heißen GetrĂ€nk am Vancouver Flughafen!  Sobald ich in San Francisco war habe ich das bereut! 

Ich habe ein nebeliges Bild der Golden Gate Bridge ergattert und mein Herz war glĂŒcklich!  

Reisen macht mich immer ganz aufgeregt! Es hat einfach etwas an sich irgendwo anzukommen das mich berĂŒhrt! Vielleicht liegt es daran was wir schon von Anfang an als Familie gerne unterwegs gewesen sind, aber ich genieße es unglaublich auf der Reise zu sein und an einem neuen Ziel anzukommen! 

Das erste was ich gemacht habe war mir etwas zu essen kaufen! Ich hab mir ein paar super leckere Lachs-Tacos gegönnt und hatte die Gelegenheit mit meinen Eltern und ein paar Freunden zu quatschen!  

Ich schĂ€tze die Tatsache das ich das alles so detailiert beschreibe zeigt wie glĂŒcklich es mich gemacht hat die Möglichkeit zu reisen zu haben!

Irgendwann bin ich dann zu meinem Gate gegangen und saß an der Steckdose neben einem jungen Mann mit dem ich mich eine Stunde lang ĂŒber Glaube und Christentum unterhalten habe! Wir haben fast unseren Flug nach Redding verpasst (wir waren die Letzten die an board kamen, zum GlĂŒck wurde wir aber noch nicht so unangenehm durch gerufen!).

Als ich in Redding ankam war ich einfach nur super aufgeregt Alle zu sehen!  

Der Flughafen dort ist so klein & niedlich!! Zwei meiner Freunde haben mich abgeholt und es war total ungewohnt fĂŒr mich deutsch zu sprechen! Manchmal fĂŒhlt es sich fast an als wĂ€re das meine zweite Sprache… Aber nach kurzer Zeit hat mein Gehirn sich umgestellt und wir haben den ganzen Weg nach Hause gequatscht! 
Katha und ich sind dann einkaufen gegangen, Katha hat uns Abend essen gemacht und wir haben heraus gefunden das wir an fast genau der gleichen Stelle in der Serie Gilmore Girls sind! Wenn das kein guter Start in die Woche ist! Das wurde also unser abendliches Ritual und wir haben in der Woche ĂŒber 20 (22 um genau zu sein) Folgen geguckt.  

Am Sonntag Morgen bin ich dann das erste Mal zu einem Bethel Gottesdienst gegangen und es war der Hammer! Lasst es euch gesagt sein, diese Leute haben FEUER fĂŒr Gott! Jemand hatte ein Wort fĂŒr mich, ich habe Gottes Gegenwart so stark gespĂŒrt & mein Nacken wurde geheilt! 

Die Woche ĂŒber durfte ich mit zum Unterricht gehen, habe neue tolle Leute getroffen, konnte Gott in neuen Arten erleben und habe mehrmals Durchbruch erlebt, aber mein haushoher Favorit ist ganz klar all diese Leute so sehr fĂŒr Gott brennen zu sehen! Vor allem die deutschen SchĂŒler die so eine radikale Leidenschaft fĂŒr Gott haben hat mein Herz zutiefst berĂŒhrt! Das sind immerhin meine Leute! Wir teilen eine Sprache, eine Heimat und können uns in einer Art verstehen die niemand sonst verstehen kann. Die Möglichkeit zu haben sie kennen zu lernen und zu wissen das sie ihr Feuer zurĂŒck nach Deutschland mitnehmen werden um an unserer gemeinsamen Leidenschaft, unserem Land, zu arbeiten ist unglaublich! Wie gut ist Gott das wir Teil seines Plans sein dĂŒrfen?! 

 Eine der besten Pizzas die ich jeh gegessen habe!

Diese Woche war eine Themenwoche mit dem Namen ‘deployment week’, wo es darum ging wie wir unsere Berufung herausfinden und dem nachgehen können. Es war super interessant und relevant fĂŒr mich!   

Am Mittwoch Abend waren wir bei unseren Freunden Esther & Wang-Yong zum Abendessen eingeladen. Es war ein richtig heimisches GefĂŒhl mit Leuten von zuhause zusammen sitzen zu können und Gemeinschaft zu haben! Was fĂŒr ein Segen! 

Am Donnerstag sind wir zu dem ‘concert of the nations’ gegangen, wo SchĂŒler der BSSM etwas vorgefĂŒhrt haben um ihr Land zu vertreten! NatĂŒrlich war Deutschland nicht vertreten, es ist eben ziemlich undeutsch auf eine BĂŒhne zu gehen und unser Land zu reprĂ€sentieren. Wir arbeiten daran 😉    Schweden

 Indien

Am Freitag war ein Deutschlandtreffen fĂŒr alle deutschen SchĂŒler der BSSM und Ben Fitzgerald war da um mit uns zu reden. Es war echt ermutigend zu sehen wie viele Deutsche BSSM besuchen und die Möglichkeit zu haben noch mehr von Ihnen zu treffen! Danach haben wir mit ein paar Deutschen zusammen Pizza selbst gemacht und es war super schön 🙂 Soviel von Deutschen umgeben zu sein hat mich ganz vorfreudig gemacht wieder nach Hause zu kommen und Jesus wie einen Waldbrand zu verbreiten!    

Es wurde auch viel ĂŒber mich prophezeit und ich habe jede Sekunde davon geliebt! Wenn Prophetie eine Sprache der Liebe wĂ€re, wĂ€re es meine! 

Gestern haben wir den Tag damit verbracht an der Sundial Bridge spazieren zu gehen und ihre Umgebung ein bisschen zu erkunden. Ich war außerdem zum ersten, aber nicht letzten, Mal in meinem Leben bei in-n-out. Abends hatten wir dann einen deutschen MĂ€delsabend! So einen deutschen Film zu gucken hat mich fast in Heimweh versetzt, ich freue mich ja schon so sehr darauf in ein paar Monaten nach Hause zu gehen!   

Und dann, heute Morgen, weil Jesus einfach zu gut ist, war ich in dem Gottesdienst in dem Bryan und Jenn Johnson Lobpreis gemacht haben! Ich war in der ersten Reihe, direkt an der BĂŒhne, so nah wie möglich dran! Diese Frau hat eine Salbung auf sich zu lobpreisen! Ich liebe es Lobpreis zu machen aber ich liebe es noch mehr um Menschen herum die so eine Leidenschaft fĂŒr Gott haben!  

Dann musste ich mich natĂŒrlich verabschieden 😩 Ich wĂŒnschte ich hĂ€tte lĂ€nger bleiben können, die Woche verging wie im Flug und es war wirklich eine wunderschöne Zeit! Ich habe gemerkt das ich mich verĂ€ndert habe, danke Jesus, und das meine Freunde sich verĂ€ndert haben, aber das manche Dinge, zB wie wichtig wir einander sind, gleichgeblieben sind und hoffentlich auch immer bleiben.  
Jetzt, wĂ€hrend ich im Flugzeug zurĂŒck nach Vancouver sitze, kann ich nicht anders als darĂŒber nachzudenken wie glĂŒcklich ich sein darf. Wie kommt es das ich so reisen und mit 18 schon soviel ĂŒber Gott, das Leben und mich selbst lernen darf? Das ich unglaublich tiefgrĂŒndige Unterhaltungen mit all diesen schlauen und liebenswerten Menschen haben darf die eines Tages die Welt verĂ€ndern werden? Das ich solche DurchbrĂŒche erleben darf? Es ist alles Gunst! Von meinem wunderbaren und unbeschreiblichen Gott! Ich weiß das ich mich vielleicht total verrĂŒckt anhöre, aber ich finde gar keine Worte fĂŒr Ihn! Er atmet einfach und Sterne erscheinen die ich Nacht fĂŒr Nacht bewundern könnte, aber Er sagt das ich sein Meisterwerk bin, die Krone seiner Schöpfung. Ich bin Ihm wichtig. Er liebt mich. Er will mich aus der Dunkelheit ins Licht bringen und alles was ich sagen muss ist ja! Das ist Liebe! 

Diese Woche war so anders als ich erwartet habe. Sie hat mich an einen Teil von mir erinnert den ich etwas aus den Augen verloren hatte, einen hungrigen, leidenschaftlichen, spontanen Teil. Und sie hat mich realisieren lassen das obwohl ich PlĂ€ne liebe, es okay ist diese andauernd zu Ă€ndern weil ich 18 bin!! Ich hab das Leben nicht ergrĂŒndet. Ich habe ja noch nicht mal mich selber ergrĂŒndet! Aber da ist ein Gott der das hat und ich vertraue darauf das er mir Sachen offenbart wenn die Zeit reif ist. Ich bin nur der Co-Pilot, Er hat die ulimative Kontrolle. 

An dieser Stelle dankeschön! FĂŒr die Begleitung auf diesem wilden Ritt den ich mein Leben nenne. Ich muss es einfach so nehmen wie es kommt, aber ich bin meistens sehr dankbar dafĂŒr (ich habe auch meine Momente). In den nĂ€chsten Monaten kommen viele aufregende und verrĂŒckte Dinge auf mich zu und ich kann es kaum abwarten darĂŒber zu schreiben! Ich wĂŒrde super gerne fĂŒr dich beten, ja dich, der/die du das hier gerade liest! Also wenn du magst, dann schreib mir bitte bei facebook, hier oder unter meiner E-mail Adresse (paulasintermann@gmail.com) oder was auch immer am besten fĂŒr dich ist! Lass mich einfach wissen das du meinen Blog liest & ich bete supergerne fĂŒr alles was gerade so in deinem Leben passiert! 

Ganz viel Liebe, 

Paula

4 this is why I’m here

blog4 months in! wow!
I know I usually write in both german and english and it was really my goal to keep that up, but in the middle of finishing homework and studying for final exams I don’t really have the energy to translate my thoughts. I’m sorry, I’ll try my best to start doing it again next month!

Well, this month I got to celebrate Christmas, a new year and think about what this year will hold.
As I was praying about this new year I asked God for a verse for this year and a word to go with it and the verse from Joshua 1:9

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

And the word ‘courageous’ to go with it.

I don’t really know what that means yet, but it comforts me.

As the first semester of interns is ending I have been thinking a lot about what will happen after interns. But before I can even get into that I have to stand in awe of the miracle it is that I am even here! In the summer of 2014  I was a sixteen year old girl that knew that she had one year of Highschool left, something on her heart but no idea how to go about it and called out to God for it. I remember myself praying “God, I really want to go to bible college and devote a year to you. I want to learn about you and grow in my relationship with you and I want to be around people who are wanting to do that as well.”
Sounds good, right? Well I had no idea how I would do that! I had no idea of where to go to, how to go about it and where to get the money from.
And then I saw a flyer of cla and I saw that they had a youth and I felt the strongest urge to go. I don’t know if you have ever experienced this but if you have you know what I’m talking about. That pull in your heart that makes you say things like ‘I have to. I just know that I have to.’ Looking back I can say that that was the Holy Spirit tugging on my heart.
So I went, walking 20 minutes through the rain with noone to go with me and noone there that I knew. I remember thinking that I knew how crazy this is, but it didn’t feel crazy at all. I remember knowing that it didn’t make sense, but I still had to go. I remember actively making the decision to go, saying ‘God I believe that there is a reason that I feel this way and because of that, I choose to believe that you have something prepared for me there. And even if not, it will still be worth it to know.’ And I remember talking to God the whole way there.

Well, as soon as I walked in I saw a girl I went to highschool with and she recognized me and showed me around a bit. It was such a blessing. One thing I noticed was that I felt right there, I felt at home and I could see myself being there later on.
Sure enough that night I didn’t only hear a message that was amazing, but also found out about the interns program. From there things started. I got confirmation from God about going and made a plan. It still seemed crazy but I felt so good about it. I had that fire again, I was so excited! And everytime a breakthrough happened I was so in awe, so thankful of what God was doing in my life. The last year of Highschool was hard in so many ways but one of my favourite years of my life so far. Everytime I felt like this cannot possibly actually happen and cried out to God, asking him why He would lead me on to this when it won’t come to pass and asking Him to please make a way, HE DID! He always, always, always made a way. And I was so in AWE.

Well, here I am. All tuition paid for. Finished the first semester. God did it. I am here. I am smack dab in the middle of it. And I wish I was more in awe. I wish I was more excited. I wish I was jumping up and down every single day about just how amazing it is that God did this for me. That He made this happen. That he would demonstrate His love for me in such a tangible way. In a way that I can always testify about. But I’m not jumping up and down.
I am worrying, worrying about what will happen after, when really I should be so focused on this moment. I mean, I knew that God was growing my faith and trust in Him throughout that year of preperation. I knew that He was preparing me for greater things ahead. So where is my trust now? Where is that girl that just cried out to God when things got tough instead of hiding from them? Where is that girl that musters up all her courage and tells her parents about her crazy plans to go back to Canada to go to bible college?
Where is she, when I find myself lost and without words, trying to talk myself into save dreams. Into reasonable dreams.

Reality is: dreams are never safe.
If it’s save, it’s not a dream.
Dreams are supposed to make you feel weak in the knees at the idea of them and giddy and excited and in AWE.

My year of challenges with God, my year of constant surrender to Him followed up by continuous awe, was by no means it.
It was simply the beginning on the rest of my life with Him.
And I think it took me until now to fully realize that and step into the freedom that brings.

I mean THAT is what I’m here for, right?
Not to take a year off, or find myself a lumberjack or think about university classes.
But to be in AWE of the GOD WHO MADE THE STARS IN HEAVEN, yet HE CARES ABOUT ME enough to give me something that my I desired with every fiber in my body.
I lost my awe along the way, when it was the thing I should have clung on to the most.

So maybe that is what I’ll need my courage for this year, to step into things that will leave me in breathless awe of my God, who would breathe the stars and still care about my heart.

If you need some awe in your life today, watch this.
I promise you it will be the best 40 minutes you spend in this whole year.

Have an AWEsome year!
I am confident it will be the best one yet!

Paula

A ramble on 2015

I can’t believe 2015 is over! That year went fast!
I also cannot believe I am saying that because I used to critic the adults saying that, so I guess I am growing up.
Just this morning I got to hear one of my best friends reflect on how big this year was for us and it really got me thinking.
2015 was a big year in my life in the sense that a lot of big deals happened.
I got accepted into the revolution interns program.
I had my very last day of high-school.
I wrote my final exams and made it out alive.
I graduated and got my first super fancy, long, expensive dress for it (thanks mum & dad).
I worked my first officially employed (contracted) job at my dads office.
I turned 18 and had my first BIG birthday party (about 70 people came) and I cried after because my people are amazingly supportive of what I am doing, even if they have no clue why I’m doing it.
I came back to Canada and started the interns program, making many close new friendships and being challenged daily.
My oh my these past 3 months feel like eternity so much has happened in them.
Well 2015, you have treated me well.
It was a big year, a tough year, a sad year, a year to rejoice and marvel at and look back on to remember.
One thing that makes this change so sad is that this officially marks the end of my life in high-school.
The last year in high-school is coming to an end and even though I cried it out then, it’s scary now because I am now in the position many of my friends were in 6 months ago: what am I going to do after the summer?
I was set with interns but I don’t know where the wind will blow me to in 6 months.
Since I like planning and organising and being prepared this scares me, but just yesterday I watched a movie in which it said ‘ ” I have no idea what I am going to do tomorrow” “How exciting!” ‘ (I paraphrased that).
And it should be!
Isn’t it exciting that I have my whole life ahead of me?
That I get to decide what I want to do because I can literally do anything!
That I could move to Berlin and have a bunch of roommates or stay close to home with just one or move to another country permanently or even stay at home and just go to University instead of High-School.
Figuring out who you want to be and who you already are is tough when you are faced with challenges and obstacles, but it will make you think about it and figure it out.
Last night it bothered me that I hadn’t really been downtown yet to just wander and do the things I love so I decided to go downtown all by myself today and it was one of my most favourite days so far!
I wish the day would have lasted longer but it filled me heart up again and it taught me some things about myself I needed to remember.

I guess what I’m saying is that 2015 wasn’t the easiest year of my life, but for sure the most exciting and fun one I had so far.  It has taught me a lot and shaped me in many ways, but I am sure the next year will bring even more of that.

So here’s to 2016!
May this year ahead of you bring you opportunities to figure out what makes your heart come alive and who you are and want to be.
I sure hope it does that for me!

And thank you for reading my blog, it means a lot to me that you take time out of your day to read my unedited thoughts on my life.

Lots of kisses, hugs & (if you’re in europe) champagne toasts!

Paula

3rd one’s a charm

Hello again friends 🙂
We, or rather I, am 3 months into my journey of being an intern so here are some facts about what that means:

  1. It is almost christmas!! I love christmas, but while I usually go all out on presents I have found that the post-highschool-life doesn’t allow me to spend as much time on it as I usually would.
  2. We, the interns, are almost done the first semester! This is half good, half bad. Good, because we have a two week break and that is probably the one thing that saves me apart from Jesus, bad because I love interns and do not want to think about it coming to a close or leaving or what I will do after PLUS I have a looot of work to do during this break (which is partially my own fault).
  3. 3 months is 1/4 of a year and 1/2 of 6 months. Apart from my obviously staggering math skills that means that I will soon leave to sunny California (or not necessarily sunny if you go where I’m going lol) to see my german friends at Bethel Church and I am stoked!

 

Hallo Freunde 🙂
Wir, oder besser gesagt ich, bin seit 3 Monaten ein intern, hier sind ein paar FaktenÂ ĂŒber was das bedeutet:

  1. Es ist fast Weihnachten!! Ich liebe Weihnachten, aber obwohl ich normalerweise HalsÂ ĂŒber Kopf im Geschenke Modus bin habe ich gemerkt dass das Leben nach der Schule nicht erlaubt das ich so viel Zeit wie frĂŒher damit verbringe.
  2. Wir, die interns, sind fast mit dem ersten Semester fertig! Das ist halb gut und halb schlecht. Gut, weil wir zwei Wochen Ferien haben und das ziemlich sicher die eine Sache neben Jesus ist die mich rettet, aber schlecht weil ich interns liebe und gar nicht darĂŒber nachdenken möchte das es zu Ende geht oder ich gehe UND zusĂ€tzlich habe ich suuuperviele Hausaufgaben zu erledigen (was teilweise meine eigene Schuld ist).
  3. 3 Monate sind 1/4 eines Jahres und 1/2 von 6 Monaten. Abgesehen von meinen beeindruckenden Mathekenntnissen zeigt uns das, dass ich bald ins sonnige Kalifornien (oder nicht unbedingt sonnig wenn man dorthin geht wohin ich gehe) fliegen werde um meine deutschen Freunde in der Bethel Gemeinde zu besuchen und ich freue mich riesig!

 

I don’t want to lie, this past month has been really hard.
And it struck me how much of a miracle it is that I am even here and how much God blessed me by working everything out in my favour, yet I seem to be so unappreciative of it.
Let me try to explain why:
These past 3 months have brought a lot of growth but growth doesn’t come easy.
You grow by being stretched, by being given more than you can handle, by being put in situations you would normally avoid and by being asked and asking yourself the hard questions.
Growing is not fun, because in order to grow you have to overcome stuff and in order to overcome stuff you have to become aware of stuff.
And let me tell you, it is not easy to become aware of all the bad stuff in your life.
It can make you really question yourself and become discontent with yourself.

Ich will nicht lĂŒgen, der letzte Monat war wirklich hart.
Ich habe mich daran erinnert was fĂŒr ein Wunder es ist das ichÂ ĂŒberhaupt hier bin und wie sehr Gott mich gesegnet hat weil alles in meinem Wohl geklappt hat, aber trotzdem scheine ich es nicht wertzuschĂ€tzen.
Lasst mich versuchen zu erklÀren wieso:

Die letzten 3 Monate haben viel Wachstum gebracht, aber Wachstum kommt nicht einfach so.
Du wÀchst indem du gedehnt wirst, indem dir mehr gegeben wird als du tragen kannst, indem du in Situationen kommst die du normalerweise vermeidest und indem du harte Fragen gefragt wirst und selbst harte Fragen fragst.
Zu wachsen macht keinen Spass, denn um zu wachsen musst du Dinge ĂŒberwinden und um Dinge zu ĂŒberwinden musst du dir ihrer bewusst werden.
Und lasst es euch gesagt sein, es ist nicht einfach sich all der schlechten Dinge in seinem Leben bewusst zu werden.
Es kann dazu fĂŒhren das man sich selbst hinterfragt und unzufrieden mit sich selbst wird.

But the thing is: growth is good.
Growth is necessary.
Growth allows you to evolve as a person and learn from your past to make better decisions in your future.
So after the screaming and kicking, when the panic and the pain subside, you look around and you see the growth and you become so thankful.
Thankful for the people you have by your side to lift you up and encourage you, to listen to you and push you in the right direction.
You’re even thankful for the hardship, I guess, because without it there wouldn’t have been growth.
So you breathe and you’re thankful and you focus your eyes on all the good things and all the things ahead and you realize that just like there is a season of growth, there will be a season to rest someday.
Let’s hope it won’t be boring.

Aber die Sache ist die: Wachstum ist gut.
Wachstum ist notwendig.
Wachstum erlaubt dir dich als Person weiter zu entwickeln und von der Vergangenheit zu lernen um in der Zukunft bessere Entscheidungen zu treffen.
Also nach dem schreien und treten, wenn die Panik und der Schmerz abklingen, siehst du dich um und du siehst das Wachstum und du wirst so dankbar.
Dankbar fĂŒr die Leute die du an deiner Seite hast, die dich hochheben und ermutigen, dir zuhören und und dich in die richtige Richtung schubsen.
Du wirst sogar fĂŒr die Schwierigkeiten dankbar, schĂ€tze ich, denn ohne die gĂ€be es kein Wachstum.
Also atmest du tief durch und bist dankbar und fokussierst deinen Blick auf all die guten Dinge und die Dinge die vor dir liegen und du realisierst das genauso wie es eine Zeit des Wachstums gibt, es auch eine Zeit der Ruhe geben wird.
Lasst uns hoffen das es dann nicht langweilig wird.

Other than that I am amazed at how true the statement is that interns makes people go from strangers to family.
Man, these people, 3 months ago as we came back from our retreat and I was writing my first blogpost in Canada I barely knew them.
Barely is even too much.
I look at most of them know and can’t even remember seeing them at the retreat.
But whatever they are, they are my family!
And it is crazy to me that is feels like that 3 months in because how much more will I feel like this at the end of June when I board that plane back home?
We sometimes say this and it rings so true now: “I don’t know how I ever lived without you”.
Of course I remember life without them in it, it’s just hard to believe that that was just 3 months ago.
These people have gotten to know me so well and I’d like to believe that I have gotten to know some of them quite well, it is crazy!
So I guess the whole “be vulnerable because it will get you closer” thing really does work, even though most of us still don’t like it.

Ansonsten bin ich beeindruckt wie wahr die Aussage ist, dass interns Leute von Fremden zu Familie bringt.
Oh man, diese Leute, vor 3 Monaten, als wir gerade von unserem Ausflug wiederkamen und ich meinen ersten Blogpost in Kanada schrieb, kannte ich sie kaum.
Kaum ist sogar zu viel gesagt.
Ich sehe die meisten von ihnen an und kann mich noch nicht mal daran erinnern sie auf dem Ausflug gesehen zu haben.
Aber egal was sie sind, sie sind meine Familie!
Und ich finde es verrĂŒckt das es sich nach 3 Monaten schon so anfĂŒhlt, denn wie viel mehr wird es sich Ende Juni so anfĂŒhlen, wenn ich ein Flugzeug besteige das mich zurĂŒck nach Hause bringen wird?
Wir sagen manchmal etwas das jetzt ziemlich gut zutrifft: “Ich weiss nicht wie ich jeh ohne dich gelebt habe.”.
NatĂŒrlich erinnere ich mich an ein Leben ohne diese Menschen, es ist nur schwer zu glauben dass das nur 3 Monate her ist.
Diese Leute haben mich so gut kennen gelernt und ich glaube das ich ein paar von ihnen auch ganz gut kennen gelernt habe, es ist verrĂŒckt!
Also schĂ€tze ich, dass das ganze Konzept von wegen “sei verletzlich, es wird euch nĂ€her zusammen bringen” wirklich funktioniert, auch wenn die meisten von uns es immer noch nicht mögen.

I really miss home though.
I miss the transit and the shops,the architecture and the food, the traditions and of course the people!
If I could I would fly home for christmas but it’s just not happening.
Europe is pretty amazing and will always be high up on my love list!
But for now I enjoy the pros North America has to offer and I sure love this place as well 😉

Aber ich vermisse zuhause.
Ich vermisse die öffentlichen Verkehrsmittel und die LĂ€den, die Architektur und das Essen, die Traditionen und natĂŒrlich die Leute!
Wenn ich könnte wĂŒrde ich ĂŒber Weihnachten nach Hause fliegen, aber das ist einfach nicht möglich.
Europa ist einfach wunderbar und wird immer ganz oben auf meiner Liebesliste sein!
Aber im Moment geniesse ich die Vorteile von Nordamerika, denn ich liebe diesen Ort ja auch 😉

So that’s month 3! A little late, a little messy, pretty hard but that’s just life.
I look forward for the new year and all it’ll bring!

Also das ist der dritte Monat! Ein bisschen spÀt, ein bisschen chaotisch, ziemlich hart aber das ist eben das Leben.
Ich freue mich auf das neue Jahr und alles was es bringt!