What am I even doing?

Lately I feel very unproductive.
I used to be very comfortable in my own little world, going about my day and taking a lot of time to myself before the stress of studying truly starts.
But lately I am not content with relaxing anymore.
I am so done.
Not because there is nothing I could do, but rather because there is simply nothing to do that I truly desire to do.
My hands itch to go out there and to truly move mountains.
I am well aware that this is the phase every teenager is said to have, the phase where they think they can change the world but are only smiled upon by all the adults, because they know it will pass and they will settle for a life without many adventures.
Yet I want to get out there.
Want to seek the people who can’t afford to relax.
Who have no place to be alone.
People who have to fight every day to survive and have little chances of making their life better.
My hands itch to get out of this protected shell and get to work.
This world of ours is beautiful and rich in many ways, but it is unfinished.
It has many, many broken parts that need to be fixed.
And I know that I can’t do that.
I don’t hold myself to the expectation of saving the world and ending poverty and war everywhere.
I hold myself to the expectation that I have knowledge of what God can do and that I can bring that light to people who live in the dark.
If you had told me my deepest desire would be to go and literally get my hands dirty with work when I was a little girl you would have likely frightened me quite a bit.
It has taken time to bring out this desire and Jesus to give me the bravery to put myself out there.
Do you know the people who seperate themselves from ordinary life?
The ones who share pictures of themselves building houses in Guatemala, digging wells in Africa or feeding orphans in India.
Do you remember thinking how amazing that is and how you could never do that?
I used to!
And now I long to do exactly that.
And I truly hope that I somehow get the opportunity to!
I don’t have to go to a foreign country to do that.
All I need is a place where people need some love and light and then,
well then I get to work.


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