the waiting game

I have been wanting to write this post for a while now.
Only I never quite knew what to say or rather how to put into words what I wanted to express.
For a long time I was waiting.
I would think ‘once I hit this milestone, that is when my life will truly start’.
Lately this milestone was graduation & I think I am not alone in having set this milestone as the beginning of a new era.
Afterall, the first real era in my life ended there and then, at graduation day.
To catch you up on the german school system a little, the graduates only have classes until Easter and after they write their final exams they have freetime until the results and ceremonies follow in June.
After that there is another period of freetime because most programs start in late August to early September.
So after all of this waiting, the endless hours spent inside a school you only appriciate once you leave it, the nerves wrecked over studying for days and days before final exams and the sleepless nights followed by wrenched guts the morning of the actual exam are only followed by waiting.

You kind of get trapped inside this bubble of finally having freetime again, yet hovering around, your whole body cringed with anticipation of the results to come.
Once the results are there, the certificate is handed out, the photos are taken and the champagne is toasted, you take a deep breath and you get ready for the next big thing: prom!

Hair gets plugged, washed and styled.
Skin is washed and slathered with moisturizer and make-up.
You’ve practiced to walk in your enormous high-heels.
You’ve got all the tools it takes to wear that dress.
And after that final night, it’s all just gone.

All the waiting, all the anticipation, the moment you have waited for.
Did it change you?
Has it made the impact you thought it would?

Well let me just say that this season has taught me a lot.
It feels surreal to be done with school, to not return now that the summer is slowly coming to an end, but to endeavour to start a new era in your life just as well as you have hoped.
It feels surreal to leave so many memories behind and to let go of some things you thought you’d carry around with you forever.
It feels especially surreal to talk to your friends about their new day-to-day tasks and the new people they meet there, when your day-to-day task for the past 8 years were always round-about the same and the people you met were so familiar to you they carried a strange sense of belonging with them.

I can say that God has really been there, in my waiting, slowly but surely revealing himself to me more and more.
He has done so much over the past 4 years of my life and it’s odd to see it all come together now.
Blessing after blessing has been poured out onto me, even if some of them were blessings in disguise.
I am learning to live in the moment, because the waiting really didn’t stop.
It’s a continuing companion that I sense won’t ever leave my side.
Yet I am comforted that all of these moments, even the one I spent typing these words, are moments I have once awaited.
They are to be lived, not to be wasted with longing for the next one.

The waiting game is almost over, a new start is in close sight, but for now I am lingering in the moment and it is the strangest, most beautiful thing.
Some people say the time after graduation has been the best time of their lives.
It’s a time of finding yourself, of leaving the walls that have been home and seeing who you are outside of them.

There has been laughter, smiles and tears.
If I could do it all over again, I would.
But I must move forward, from moment to moment, taking each as it comes and simply enjoy.


einlaufen1 einlaufen2  Abiballredeschülerranking


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